wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
