I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
