well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
