I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
