This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
