Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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