nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
