You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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