Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
