I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
