Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Less talking, more tequila
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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