Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
