from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize