Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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