Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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