the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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