How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
