I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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