2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
