Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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