the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
