and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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