can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
