just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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