he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
