I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
