its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
