Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
