You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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