I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
