you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
