I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
