my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
