He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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