onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
