I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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