can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
