her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.