I got chris browned last night
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.