She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.