Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?