3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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