so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
