Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
