dude i'm inner monologue high
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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