No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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