yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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