what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
