At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
