I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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