I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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