i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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