my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
