meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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