so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
