I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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