If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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