new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Still dying that you shit outside
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
