Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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