Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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