just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
