guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
