i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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